April 29, 2010
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell." -Joan Crawford.
Except perhaps in the world of online dating in which hundreds of thousands of singles are mastering this growing social phenomenon and becoming quite discerning in the process. They are getting good at it.
Those of us who are married have some difficulty understanding how this works, and we ask silly questions.
"Aren't you afraid? Don't people really just lie about their past?"
Admittedly, we are often too free with our well-meaning advice, such as "watch out for a con man who only wants your money" and "what if you attract a serial killer."
This is not particularly supportive and helpful, I am told.
The main reason online dating is on my mind, however, is that I recently became aware of the large number of single people using these services, especially those of a certain age.
A lot.
But honestly, it is mind boggling to those of us not in the know.
So, I decided to learn more about online dating from my single friends.
Apparently, it can be a wild ride.
My friend Kat, for example, met a guy from Wyoming she dubbed WYO 2 because she was already chatting with another man from Wyoming, nicknamed WYO 1. All are in the over 60 crowd.
WYO 2 wrote Kat an email for the first time beginning this way: "Dear Fat." What a way to start with a typo. "Kat" wrote back and said, "Yunno in this early part of our relationship, I don't think you really need to be calling me names."
She was kidding.
Poor guy kept trying to explain himself and only made it worse. Scratch WYO 2.
Back to WYO 1. By now they were at the telephoning stage of courtship. WYO 1 called Kat and wanted to meet. He told her he picked out three women from the online dating service and she was one of them. Whoopee, she thought.
"What am I Door No. 1, 2, or 3," she wondered?
Still, after getting over the urge to hit him, she decided this could be an intriguing encounter, so she agreed to meet him for coffee.
They talked for a couple of hours when he announced he had to go back to work, but would meet her for dinner later. When "later" came, he called saying he could not get away from work after all. That was OK with Kat because she already gave up on him and was now driving thru Taco Bell ordering her usual Friday night meat-and-cheese burrito with no sauce and no cheese, price $1.08.
The evening turned out just fine she decided, but she couldn't help wondering which one he was really with--Door #2 or 3.
Once she met a cattle rancher who lives 30 miles from the nearest town and could only be reached by satellite telephone.
Another time she met a man who used a picture at least 10 years old on his profile page. He showed up for their first date in ugly shorts and horrid shirt packing 50 more pounds than in his online photo. She saw him arrive from the restaurant window and decided to stay and meet him even though he didn't look like his picture. She felt guilty canceling. Now as a seasoned online dating expert, she would call him on his cell and cancel before he ever set foot in the restaurant.
Yet another "match" drove 6 hours to meet her at a halfway point between their home cities. After coffee and a totally one-sided conversation about his son being on drugs, he announced that he had to leave because he had to work on his lawn mower.
Yes, it's a crazy online dating world, she admits, but offers some advice that is far better than my "watch out for serial killer" guidance.
Kat says look at it like a game, and then it's so much easier. If you happen to end up liking the person and they like you, then it's great. That takes the pressure off knowing you are not committed to anything when you meet new people.
However, she gives one word of advice to senior men who are considering joining an online dating service. Kat says, "Don't let your grown daughter fill out your profile online for you. They just make up stuff they are not sure about, and meanwhile, the poor man has no idea he supposedly likes sushi.
So, she keeps at it.
After all, she says, you can't buy love on eBay.
